Hey dance fans! After a brief hiatus, I’m back in the recapping saddle, and it looks like I didn’t miss too much chaos at the Abby Lee Dance Company LA. Based on the comments section from my temporary leave, you guys were just as thrilled (and bewildered) by the latest episodes of Dance Moms Season 5 as I would have been. Let’s dive straight into the drama, shall we?
Jill decided to greet my return with a celebratory cartwheel, showcasing her unwavering enthusiasm for the ALDC, or perhaps just for being on camera. The result was a rather blurry welcome back, courtesy of Mrs. Vertes and her skirt-related acrobatics. Always a memorable entrance, Jill!
Image: Jill Vertes performs a cartwheel in a skirt at the ALDC LA studio in Dance Moms Season 5, welcoming the recapper back to the show.
And just when you thought one cartwheel was enough, Melissa joined in with her own “spazz” cartwheel moment. Apparently, it was so wild, it couldn’t even be captured on camera. Some things are just too scandalous for reality TV, I guess.
Image: Melissa Gisoni energetically reacts with a cartwheel, unseen on camera, in a scene from Dance Moms Season 5.
Studio Grand Opening and Nationals Pressure
The celebrations were short-lived as Abby quickly shifted the focus to business. She announced the grand opening of the ALDC LA studio, strategically timed right after Nationals and just before the girls were supposed to head back to Pittsburgh. The plan? Have the girls be the star attraction, signing autographs and basking in the glory.
Jill, ever the pragmatist (or just worried about Kendall’s solo chances), wasn’t thrilled. She believes Abby’s priority should be Nationals, Nationals, Nationals. And, of course, giving Kendall a solo at Nationals. Priorities, people!
Pyramid of Doom: Hollywood Bright Lights to Blame?
Ah, pyramid time. The weekly dose of rankings and drama. Apparently, I missed a group win! Yay for the ALDC LA group! Even though Abby, in her infinite wisdom, declared that no one had actually improved. The culprit? The “bright lights of Hollywood.” I’m with Abby on blaming the bright lights, though I might be pointing them more at the adults than the kids.
The bottom row of the pyramid was a bit of a downer. Kalani was at the very bottom, followed by JoJo. Poor JoJo apparently forgot her dance and lost to Kendall in some sort of showdown. No Nationals solo for her. Nia rounded out the bottom row, with Holly delivering the classic line that Nia will never get a solo at Nationals anyway, so who cares? Ouch.
Row two started with Kendall (Jill must be doing cartwheels again, metaphorically this time). Then came Maddie, looking genuinely shocked. Abby’s reasoning? Even though Maddie was supposed to be the lead in the group dance, all anyone talked about was the “sister-of-lead.” Was she really all anyone talked about, Abby? Subtle shade, much?
Image: Maddie Ziegler appears shocked and surprised during pyramid in Dance Moms Season 5, episode recap.
Road Trip to Spokane and Solo Showdowns
This week, the ALDC LA is hitting the road for another Sheer Talent competition in Spokane. Solos are awarded to Kendall, Maddie, and Mackenzie. The stakes are high, especially for Kendall. She has to “beat the unbeatable” (Maddie, presumably) to even have a shot at a solo at Nationals. Let the Nationals drinking game officially commence!
Inappropriate Week: Solo Titles and Group Dance Themes
Kendall’s solo is inspired by Little Red Riding Hood and, in what can only be described as peak Abby Lee Miller producer-jerking, it’s titled “Blowing Red.” I’ll let you insert your own jokes here. The choreography? Anticipating awkwardness.
Image: Title card graphic for Kendall Vertes’ solo “Blowing Red” in Dance Moms Season 5.
Maddie’s solo is called “Into the Woods” and is described by Abby as “a little darker.” Melissa, who is radiating a concerning level of intensity, “looooooooves it!” Someone check on Melissa.
Mackenzie’s solo title? Brace yourselves: “Batsh*t Crazy.” Yes, you read that right. At this point, I’m convinced Abby is fully embracing the chaos. Cue the obligatory squealing about the borderline inappropriate word, and then the reveal that Mack will be playing… a bat. Naturally.
The group dance theme continues the “Inappropriate Week” trend. It’s called “Always A Bridesmaid,” inspired by a movie that shares a portion of Mackenzie’s solo title: Batsh*t Crazy Bridesmaids. This causes JoJo to do the pee-pee dance. Kids, man.
Image: JoJo Siwa performs a “pee-pee dance” in response to the group dance theme in Dance Moms Season 5.
Abby and Gianna then demonstrate what walking down the aisle should look like. Spoiler alert: it involves Gianna getting “flat-tired” by Abby, and Abby “decking” Gianna. Sounds about right for an Abby Lee Miller wedding.
Image: Abby Lee Miller and Gianna Martello demonstrate aisle walking for the “Always a Bridesmaid” group dance in Dance Moms Season 5.
Baby Shower Shenanigans and Music Video News
Speaking of life events, Kira drops a bombshell: she’s five months pregnant! Weddings are apparently not her thing, but babies are. Abby, ever the planner, immediately jumps to baby shower mode – but only if there’s a wedding involved too. Melissa, channeling modern sensibilities, points out it’s 2015, shotgun showers are so passé. Holly, always insightful, suggests Kira’s pregnancy might explain some “cray-cray” behavior. Kira, ever blunt, is just happy everyone knows why she’s gaining weight. Reality TV gold.
Then, Mikey Minden calls Holly and Nia with exciting news: another music video shoot next week! And guess who gets to tag along? Abby. Cue the eye rolls.
Image: Abby Lee Miller looking displeased, possibly about being included in Nia Frazier’s music video shoot in Dance Moms Season 5.
Melissa, in a moment of surprising positivity, says it “could be worse.” Holly, not buying it, points out that no one actually supports Nia’s music career, and that Abby clearly already knows who will get solos at Nationals, making this whole competition charade pointless. Then, the moms turn on Melissa for not pushing Mack’s Nationals chances as much as Maddie’s. Mom drama, never-ending.
Mackenzie’s Solo Struggles and Motherly “Support”
Example time! Mackenzie, bless her heart, is struggling with her “Batsh*t Crazy” solo. She whimpers to Melissa that it’s too hard. Melissa’s response? A heartwarming “Oh for f**k’s sake!” pep talk, telling her to “get over it.” Abby chimes in with a supportive “only babies cry.” Mackenzie, being the most reasonable person in the room, delivers the line of the day: “Everyone cries.”
Image: Mackenzie Ziegler tearfully states “Everyone cries” in response to pressure about her solo in Dance Moms Season 5.
The poor kid is feeling the pressure to win, but empathy seems to be in short supply at the ALDC LA.
Nesting Instincts and Wedding Dance Rehearsals
Back to babies! Kira gets asked about nesting, but before she can answer, Melissa launches into a manic monologue about her own nesting habits during pregnancy. Apparently, nurseries must be set up and clothes hung mere moments after conception in Melissa’s world.
Image: Melissa Gisoni describes her intense nesting habits during pregnancy in Dance Moms Season 5.
Clothes hung just so.
Image: Close up of baby clothes neatly hung, illustrating Melissa’s nesting habits in Dance Moms Season 5.
And the crib perfectly positioned. Mmmhmmm. Okay, Melissa. We get it.
Image: A baby crib in a nursery setting, representing Melissa’s extreme nesting preparations in Dance Moms Season 5.
The “Always a Bridesmaid” wedding dance roles are assigned: Mack is the whip-cracking maid of honor, Kalani is just there for the party, JoJo is the attention-seeker, Maddie is “too good” for this (Abby’s words, not mine), Nia is the “old hag” (again, Abby’s charming phrasing) who’s been in too many weddings, and Kendall thinks everything is “pretty.” Character is everything, according to Abby.
The moms (minus Jill, naturally) are happy. Jill, of course, points out that musical theater never wins. Holly kind of agrees, because musical theater rarely wins on Dance Moms.
Kendall, who apparently struggles with props (scarves in particular?), gets a long, floaty scarf for the dance. Jill is, predictably, not a fan. Understandable, given Kendall’s past scarf-related mishaps.
Maddie’s role? A tree. A tree that comes to life. Abby declares the routine a “winner.” Baby Groot approves, I’m sure.
Jill, ever the realist (or pessimist?), predicts that even if Kendall wins the solo, Maddie will only lose a Nationals solo if she gets a better offer from Hollywood. The shade is strong this season.
Meanwhile, Holly invites JoJo to be in Nia’s music video. Melissa and Jill pointedly ignore her. Team spirit is alive and well at the ALDC LA.
Spokane Competition and Wardrobe Malfunctions
Cut to Spokane! But wait, where are Jill’s pants? Apparently, they stayed in LA.
Image: A meme-style image with text overlay “Dance Moms Season 5 Where are Jill’s Pants?” referencing Jill Vertes’ pantless appearance.
Even less funny, Kira is also MIA, on her way to the hospital with pregnancy complications. Melissa calls her, and Kira sounds okay, so maybe everyone would like to hear Nia’s new song? Maybe not. Competition time!
Mrs. No-Pants (Jill) observes that the costumes and choreography clearly indicate Abby’s solo winner preference. Then, in a stroke of genius, she “helps” Kendall with her nerves by telling her “not to be nervous,” which, naturally, makes Kendall even more nervous. Thanks, Jill!
Mackenzie is back to wearing animal ears for her solo. And her music starts way too early. Or maybe not? Oops, editing fail. Either way, she nails the rehearsal.
Image: Mackenzie Ziegler rehearses her “Batsht Crazy” solo wearing animal ears in Dance Moms Season 5.*
Maddie’s turn for “Into the Woods.”
Image: Maddie Ziegler performs her “Into the Woods” solo in a rehearsal for Dance Moms Season 5.
Maybe it’s the post-hiatus optimism talking, but Abby actually gave Maddie some new choreography! Sophisticated, moody, complex – and she even gets to stay sitting up at the end! The crowd goes wild. Kendall? Pale. Paler.
Kendall’s “Blowing Red” solo. For a split second, I thought I misheard and it was “Glowing Red,” which would be much nicer. Nope, “Blowing Red” it is. And her fate is sealed within 30 seconds when the crimson scarf goes flying offstage instead of back into her hand. Scarf curse strikes again!
Image: Kendall Vertes drops her red scarf prop during her “Blowing Red” solo performance in Dance Moms Season 5.
Jill looks utterly unsurprised. Honestly, same. And I feel terrible for Kendall. Until… she recovers perfectly, dances beautifully, and even earns a cheer from Abby! Still, Abby’s constant underestimation of Kendall’s talent and her penchant for giving her solos that highlight her weaknesses is infuriating.
Backstage, Jill rants (wearily, because that’s her job now). Abby makes Kendall feel even worse. Then Kira arrives, baby bump and all, saving the mood. Everything is fine with her and Kalani’s future sibling.
Holly, ever the voice of reason, reiterates that musical theater is a competition death wish. Speaking of questionable choices, Abby declares the announcer the “worst she’s ever heard in her life.” Strong opinions, as always.
The “Always a Bridesmaid” group dance is actually adorable! Spacing and timing issues aside, it’s undeniably entertaining.
Image: The ALDC LA team performs the “Always a Bridesmaid” group dance in costume at a competition for Dance Moms Season 5.
Awards and Baby Shower Festivities
Awards time! And a glimpse at the “worst announcer ever,” who is indeed… unique. Mackenzie wins her division. Kendall gets second. Maddie takes the division. Group wins too. No surprises here.
Baby shower time!
Image: Kira Girard at her baby shower holding a gift, with ALDC onesies visible in the background, in Dance Moms Season 5.
Abby is super proud of her “dorky” present!
Image: Abby Lee Miller smiles while holding a baby shower gift at Kira Girard’s baby shower in Dance Moms Season 5.
Kira also gets a Ring Pop for the “bridal” aspect of the shower. And then the girls smear frosting on her face because preteens are terrible at baby showers.
Finally, a fight erupts about departure dates from LA. Melissa may or may not be staying until the 5th, or maybe she’s flying to Hawaii on the 3rd, or maybe she’s just a big fat liar. Nothing gets resolved, but Abby leaves the room, so I’m calling it a win.
Next week on Dance Moms: Props continue to malfunction, and Erin Babbs and the Murrieta Minions are back. Joy.
So, Dance Moms nation, what did I miss? Did you do an inappropriate cartwheel at the sight of Abby’s new studio? Are you excited for Nia’s new video? Was Kendall set up to fail? Does Abby already have her Nationals team picked? Did you take a drink every time someone said “Nationals?” Sound off in the comments below!
New episodes of Dance Moms air Tuesdays on Lifetime.
