Being a dance mom is a unique and demanding role. You’re a cheerleader, confidante, and logistics manager all rolled into one. At Complete Performance Coaching, we understand the intricate dynamics between dancers and their mothers. Coach Kayla, from our team, previously shared valuable insights in her video “Through the Lens of a Dancer,” helping dance moms understand their dancer’s performance perspective. If you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here on Facebook.
Building upon that, today, we delve deeper into the dancer-dance mom relationship. Drawing from conversations with generations of dance moms – my own mother and grandmother – both seasoned in the world of dance, we’ve compiled an open letter from a dancer’s perspective. Think of this as decoding the unspoken messages behind the “Dance Moms” logo – understanding what truly supports your dancer’s journey. This isn’t about the reality TV drama, but about real-world support for young dancers.
This exploration isn’t just for reading; it’s an exercise. Encourage your dancer to write their own letter to you. Open communication is key to navigating the exhilarating yet challenging world of dance.
Generations of Wisdom: Lessons from Dance Moms
My family’s dance history spans decades. From my 20 years of dancing, including my time with the San Francisco 49ers, to my mother and grandmother’s experiences as dance moms, we’ve seen it all. We’ve discussed what fostered success and what created unnecessary hurdles in my dance career. The professional dance world, in particular, added layers of complexity and pressure to the journey.
Let’s unpack the key messages dancers want their moms to understand. These points are gleaned from our family discussions and are crucial for any dance mom wanting to provide the best support.
Your Home Base in a Whirlwind World
The first and perhaps most vital message a dancer wants to convey is: “Mom, you are my home base.” The dance world, while passionate and rewarding, can be intensely judgmental. Criticism, competition, and constant scrutiny are part of the landscape. For a dancer, you, Mom, are their safe harbor amidst this storm. In moments of anxiety and pressure, dancers instinctively turn to you for grounding and reassurance.
The Immense Power of Your Words
Dance moms, recognize the immense power you wield – perhaps more than you realize. Your words carry significant weight, capable of shaping your dancer’s emotions, mood, and even their performance. When a dancer approaches you feeling anxious, they are seeking your calm strength to diffuse the turmoil within them. Be mindful of this influence and choose your words with care.
“Everything Will Be Okay”: The Power of Reassurance
Another crucial message from dancers: “Please tell me everything is going to be okay.” My own mother admitted that sometimes, well-intentioned words could inadvertently amplify my anxiety. In those moments of stress, what dancers often need most is simple, unwavering reassurance. Hearing “Everything’s going to be okay. You’re amazing, your performance will be great, everything is fine,” can be incredibly grounding and effective.
Countering Negative Thoughts with Positivity
A valuable sports psychology technique, known as countering, can be incredibly helpful. When negative thoughts creep in, counter them with facts, logic, and reasoning. For instance, if a dancer frets about not knowing a routine, remind them of their practice and past successes. “You’ve rehearsed this dance countless times, and I’ve seen you perform it beautifully every time.”
This technique instills confidence and helps dancers regain perspective, pushing back against anxiety. Similarly, if anxieties arise about a coach’s feedback, counter with positive affirmations. “Your coach specifically praised your leaps as the highest they’ve seen, acknowledging your hard work and improvement.” These factual, positive counters are powerful tools in a dance mom’s arsenal.
“What Do You Need From Me Right Now?”: Practical Support
“Ask me, ‘What do you need from me right now?'” This simple question speaks volumes. My mother’s consistent use of this question, even amidst the pre-performance chaos, was incredibly helpful. Knowing she was present, ready to support in practical ways, significantly eased my anxiety.
Engage in this conversation proactively. Well before the pressure of a performance, ask your dancer, “What specific support would be most helpful for you on performance days?” This open dialogue creates a supportive partnership.
Building a Pre-Performance Routine Together
Establishing a routine can be a game-changer. My mother and I developed a seamless morning routine before performances. While I focused on makeup, she expertly styled my hair, saving valuable time and allowing for extra rest. This teamwork extended to breakfast preparation and packing, streamlining the morning and minimizing stress.
Collaborate with your dancer to create a pre-performance routine that works for both of you. Thinking proactively about how to alleviate stress and provide support on performance day makes a world of difference.
Establishing Ground Rules for Performance Days
Setting clear ground rules is another effective strategy to minimize anxiety. One rule my mother and I had was a 30-minute no-contact period after I left for a performance. This prevented any last-minute calls that might trigger anxiety about forgotten items. Upon arrival, a quick text signaled the start of communication.
Another crucial rule: handing off the camera during performances. This allowed my mom to be fully present, experiencing the performance as a spectator rather than through a lens.
Post-performance communication was also structured. A 10-minute window for a quick “How did I do?” text and immediate positive feedback was established. These clear guidelines provided structure and reassurance in a high-pressure environment.
These ground rules, born from open communication, were instrumental in creating a supportive and less stressful performance environment. Encourage a similar dialogue with your dancer to identify their specific needs and anxieties. Tailor your support to create their optimal performance conditions.
By understanding these key needs, dance moms can move beyond the surface and truly embody the supportive role their dancers crave. It’s about decoding the real message behind the “Dance Moms” journey and focusing on genuine, empowering support. Have these conversations, write those letters, and build stronger, more supportive relationships with your dancers. And remember to book a session with me at completeperformancecoaching.com/schedule – I’m here to help dancers and dance moms navigate this incredible journey together.
