It’s tough when you see someone you love excel at something new, especially when it involves getting close with others. You’re in a long-term, loving relationship and are incredibly proud of your girlfriend for diving into salsa dancing and becoming skilled. However, seeing her perform, hands intertwined with partners and close body contact, has stirred up unexpected feelings of discomfort and anger. You’re questioning whether you should tell your girlfriend about your unease. It’s a valid concern, and many in relationships face similar feelings when boundaries of intimacy and personal comfort are tested.
This situation brings up questions about jealousy, communication, and understanding the nature of dance itself. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s important to navigate these emotions constructively for the health of your relationship. Let’s unpack these feelings and figure out how to approach this delicate situation.
Understanding Your Jealousy
It’s completely understandable to feel a pang of jealousy. You’ve described it as a feeling of the “purity of your relationship being tainted,” seeing intimate contact where perhaps dancers see technique and art. This is a personal interpretation shaped by your values and comfort levels, and it’s valid. Recognizing this as jealousy, stemming from love and a desire to protect your relationship, is the first step.
You mentioned dancers might see you as “idiotic” or insecure. However, your feelings aren’t about insecurity in your relationship; they are about your personal boundaries regarding physical closeness with others, especially in front of you. You’re acknowledging a personal discomfort with a type of contact that feels intimate to you, even if it’s commonplace in dance.
Should You Tell Your Girlfriend? Communication is Key
The question isn’t necessarily should you tell her, but how and when. Bottling up these feelings can lead to resentment and misunderstandings. Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship, especially when dealing with sensitive emotions.
Before you Tell Your Girlfriend Dance is making you uncomfortable, consider these points:
- Timing and Setting: Choose a calm and private moment to talk, not right after a performance or when either of you are stressed.
- “I” Statements: Focus on expressing your feelings using “I” statements. For example, “I felt uncomfortable when I saw…” instead of “You made me feel uncomfortable by…” This approach is less accusatory and focuses on your experience.
- Explain Your Perspective: Help her understand why you feel this way without expecting her to change her passion. You can explain that you understand it’s dance, but personally, you perceive that level of physical contact as intimate.
- Listen to Her Perspective: Be prepared to listen to her side. She might explain the nature of salsa, the lack of romantic intent, and her passion for it. Understanding her perspective is just as important as her understanding yours.
Addressing Her Hesitation About You Joining
You mentioned wanting to join salsa classes to understand it better and perhaps feel more comfortable. However, your girlfriend seemed hesitant. This could be due to various reasons, and it’s worth exploring:
- Pressure: She might have sensed you were joining solely because of your discomfort, not out of genuine interest. She might want your participation to be authentic.
- Personal Space: Sometimes, people enjoy having separate hobbies and spaces. Her dance class might be her personal outlet and space, and she might prefer to keep it separate from your shared activities.
- Skill Level: Perhaps she’s at a level where beginner classes might not be suitable for you to join immediately, and she didn’t want you to feel overwhelmed or discouraged.
- Misinterpretation: There’s also a possibility you misinterpreted her “half-arsed excuse.” It’s worth having an open conversation about why she was hesitant.
Why Salsa and Partner Infatuation?
You asked why someone takes up salsa and if dancers develop infatuations. People are drawn to salsa for various reasons:
- Passion for Dance and Music: It’s a vibrant, energetic dance form that’s incredibly fun and expressive.
- Social Connection: Salsa classes are social environments, offering a sense of community and connection with others who share a similar passion.
- Physical Exercise and Skill Development: It’s a great workout and a challenging skill to learn and master.
- Cultural Appreciation: For some, it’s about connecting with Latin culture and its rich dance traditions.
Regarding infatuation with dance partners, while close physical contact is inherent in partner dancing, it’s generally understood within the dance community that this is part of the art form, not necessarily romantic. Professionalism and respect are usually maintained. However, human emotions are complex, and it’s possible for anyone to develop feelings in any context. But in most social dance settings, the focus is on the dance itself and the shared enjoyment of it.
Moving Forward: Finding a Path Together
It’s positive that leaving the relationship isn’t an option for you. This shows commitment and a desire to work through this. Here’s a path forward:
- Have an Open Conversation: Tell your girlfriend dance is something you’re trying to understand and are feeling a bit uneasy about. Initiate that conversation using “I” statements and active listening.
- Understand Her Perspective: Listen to her explanation of salsa, her passion, and her reasons for hesitating about you joining.
- Explore Joining for the Right Reasons: If you are genuinely interested in learning salsa and understanding her world, express that desire to her later, separate from the jealousy conversation. Frame it as wanting to share in her interests and learn something new together (or even separately if she prefers her class as her own space).
- Focus on Trust and Communication: This situation highlights the importance of trust and open communication in your relationship. Use this as an opportunity to strengthen these aspects.
- Reassure Yourself and Her: Remind yourself of the strong love and connection you share. Reassure her of your support for her passions while also expressing your honest feelings.
Ultimately, navigating jealousy in relationships is about communication, understanding, and finding compromises that respect both individuals’ feelings and passions. By addressing your feelings openly and honestly, you can strengthen your relationship and find a way to support your girlfriend’s passion while staying true to your comfort levels.
