Dancing in social situations can feel unavoidable, especially when you’re younger. The truth is, having a basic level of dance ability is a valuable social skill. Learning How To Dance at a “good enough” level isn’t as daunting as you might think. Once you grasp the fundamentals, you’ll find it much easier to join your friends on the dance floor and feel comfortable holding your own.
You Don’t Need to Be a Dance Superstar
The goal isn’t to become a professional dancer or to perform complex choreography. You simply need to reach a point where you can confidently step onto the dance floor, blend in with the crowd, avoid looking awkward, and genuinely enjoy yourself. Many people feel at least a little self-conscious about dancing. That’s why you often see people having a drink or waiting for the dance floor to fill up before they feel ready to participate.
Forget about trying to imitate dancers from music videos. Being “good enough” is about being competent and comfortable. Of course, exceeding the bare minimum is always a bonus, but even mastering the basics will put you ahead of the majority of non-dancers.
What the Opposite Sex Actually Thinks (Straight Perspective)
While dancing isn’t solely about impressing anyone, it’s often a factor in people’s minds, especially for straight individuals.
For Guys: Confidence and Presence Matter Most
Let’s generalize for a moment: men and women often have different perceptions of what makes a “good” dancer. Men sometimes view dancing as a competitive skill, aiming to outshine other guys on the dance floor. Their idea of a “good dancer” might be someone performing acrobatic breakdancing or intricate popping and locking routines. However, women typically see a “good dancer” as a guy who moves decently, appears comfortable and confident, and looks like he’s genuinely having a good time.
When a woman wants to dance with you, her priorities are usually quite straightforward:
- She wants you to be present and engaged with her.
- She wants to dance with you, not just near you.
- She wants you to be able to dance without embarrassing her (or yourself).
- She wants you to be respectful and not overly aggressive or creepy.
For Women: He’s Probably Not Overanalyzing Your Moves
It might sound like a stereotype, but when you’re dancing with a guy, he’s likely not conducting a detailed critique of your dance style. More often than not, he’s simply thinking, “Great! I’m dancing with a woman!” If he’s watching you dance from a distance, his thoughts are probably more along the lines of, “She seems interesting. I wonder if she’d be open to talking?” Even the most outwardly confident guy is likely experiencing some level of self-consciousness about his own dancing. He’s probably far more worried about how his dancing looks to you than the reverse. Even if he’s a fantastic dancer and you’re a beginner, he’s unlikely to judge you negatively for it.
(This perspective comes from a straight male’s observation. While I can’t speak for the LGBTQ+ perspective, it’s unlikely that the core expectations for dance partners are drastically different in terms of basic comfort and enjoyment.)
Don’t Sweat What Strangers Think Too Much
This is easier said than done, but try not to waste mental energy worrying about the opinions of random bystanders. Sometimes, people might snicker or point at dancers because they’re actually too nervous to dance themselves. Those observing from the sidelines, nursing their drinks, aren’t your target audience. Remember, most people on the dance floor are more concerned with their own appearance and moves than scrutinizing yours.
The Key is to Be Understated and Relaxed
Avoid being overly energetic or attempting fancy moves unless you’re absolutely certain you can execute them well. It’s always better to dial it back. Trying too hard and flailing around looks worse than blending in with simple, less original movements. Don’t feel pressured to perform a constant stream of new moves or put on a show for everyone. It’s perfectly acceptable to dance in a simple, repetitive way and just enjoy the company of your friends.
Master a Basic, Reliable Dance ‘Core’
Think about movie or TV scenes set in dance clubs. The extras in the background are often dancing in a simple, generic way. That’s the “core” we’re talking about. Knowing this basic style is often all you need in many situations. However, if you want to expand later, you can build upon this foundation and develop a more elaborate style.
To learn this core, stand in front of a mirror with some moderately paced music playing. Or, you can simply read through the following steps and visualize yourself performing them:
-
Move to the Beat: The most fundamental mistake a beginner can make is dancing out of sync with the music’s beat. If you’re unsure what the beat is, listen to a song and identify the underlying, repeating “thump-thump-thump” pattern. Every music genre has a beat, varying in speed. It doesn’t take long to train your ear to recognize it.
-
Incorporate Knee Bounce: Standing in front of the mirror with music playing, try moving your arms back and forth slightly to the beat while keeping your legs completely straight. You’ll notice this looks unnatural. The next crucial step is to bounce your knees in time with the music. Keep everything else still and simply move your knees up and down rhythmically.
-
Add Torso Rotation: Just bouncing up and down can still look a bit stiff, like a piston. So, incorporate a slight torso rotation in sync with your knee movements, almost like you’re skiing gently. Keep your torso relaxed and fluid.
-
Relax Your Arms: Now your arms are probably hanging rigidly at your sides. Relax them and let them swing naturally, following the rhythm of your knee bends and torso rotations.
Once you’re standing in one spot, bouncing your knees, rotating your torso slightly, and moving your arms somewhat, you’ve achieved the absolute minimum to be considered dancing. As mentioned, this basic level is often sufficient. If you started with no dance skills and stopped here, you’re already significantly better off.
However, while staying within this generic “core” dance style, you can add subtle variations to make it more engaging:
- Engage Your Shoulders: Don’t just let your arms swing limply; involve your shoulders for more dynamic movement.
- Incorporate Steps: Take small steps side to side or back and forth to add dimension.
- Vary Arm Movements: Experiment with different arm motions beyond simple swinging.
- Nod Your Head: Subtly nod your head to the beat to enhance the rhythm.
- Add Pivots and Twists: Do small pivots or twists on one or both feet to introduce turns.
- Torso Movement Variety: Instead of just rotating your torso slightly, move it back and forth or from side to side.
- Subtle Foot Lifts: Lift one foot slightly off the ground, then the other, like a gentle march in place. Avoid exaggerated movements that look robotic; keep it subtle.
- Mix and Match Variations: Combine different arm, torso, and leg variations. Find a combination that feels and looks good, stick with it for a short while, then transition to another. Avoid changing moves too rapidly, as this can appear scattered and disorganized.
At this stage, you won’t be winning any dance competitions, but you’ll be at the level of those movie extras – and better than about 75% of the people you’ll see at a typical bar or club. At this point, you could actually stop developing your dance skills and still be able to navigate a dance floor comfortably for the rest of your life.
The beauty of this basic core is its adaptability. It works well with various common music genres. If you’re dancing to hip-hop, just make your movements slightly more hip-hop influenced. If you’re dancing to 80s pop, inject a bit more cheesy energy into your moves.
A person demonstrating basic dance moves in a club setting, showcasing a relaxed and comfortable style.
Add More Advanced Moves and Sequences If You Want to Level Up
While basic dancing gets you by, it won’t make you stand out. If you want to appear more polished, you can start incorporating pre-planned moves or sequences. However, this comes with increased risk and requires more effort. Generic dancing is safer and easier. If you attempt an impressive routine and stumble, you’ll look awkward or foolish. Practice is crucial to ensure you execute advanced moves smoothly. Here are some ways to learn new moves:
- Observe Dancers at Clubs: Watch strangers dancing and borrow ideas from their movements.
- Learn from Friends: Pay attention to your friends’ dance styles and ask them to show you some moves.
- Watch Movies and Music Videos: Analyze dance sequences in films and music videos for inspiration.
- Use Online Video Tutorials: Numerous online tutorials are available for learning various dance styles and moves.
- Try Dancing Video Games: Games that involve dance can help you learn rhythm and basic steps in a fun way.
- Experiment and Create Your Own Moves: Don’t be afraid to experiment and develop your own unique movements.
- Take Dance Classes: Formal dance classes provide structured learning and expert guidance.
Practice is the Most Effective Teacher
If you make it a habit to dance around at home whenever you’re listening to music, you’ll quickly start to improve. The more time you dedicate to practice, the more refined your style will become.
Stand in front of a mirror, play some music you enjoy, and start practicing the basic dance core described earlier. Remember, if your natural inclination is to jump around excessively or be too energetic, consciously tone it down. Focus on becoming comfortable with the typical, understated style of dancing first. Often, dance floors are crowded, so practicing moves that require a lot of space will be less practical in real-world scenarios.
One effective practice technique is to isolate and focus on one aspect of dancing at a time. This might not look polished initially, but it allows you to concentrate on specific elements of your movement. For example, keep the rest of your body relatively still and experiment solely with different arm movements or torso rotations. Alternatively, practice different ways of stepping back and forth or moving just one leg at a time.
Practice Dancing in Different Scenarios
Beyond mastering body movements, consider practicing for different dancing environments:
Spacious Dance Floor
This is the easiest scenario, offering ample room to move and allowing for more expressive or showy moves if you feel confident. However, sometimes the vast space can feel overwhelming or make you feel more exposed and self-conscious.
Crowded Dance Floor
In crowded spaces, your movements are significantly restricted. During practice, focus on keeping your feet grounded and avoiding wide arm swings. Learn to make your movements look good within these limitations.
Close, Face-to-Face Dancing
The challenge here is avoiding bumping knees and restricting arm extensions forward. Practice dancing close to a wall to simulate this restricted space. Alternatively, dance close to a full-length mirror – while it might feel silly, it helps you get used to the feeling of proximity.
Partner Dancing
This refers to informal, improvised partner dancing, not structured dances like tango. While solo practice can’t fully replicate partner dancing, you can extend your arms as if holding a partner’s waist or shoulders and practice moving within those spatial constraints. If the idea of partner dancing makes you uncomfortable, this practice can help ease your anxiety.
More practical preparation includes taking salsa, swing, or ballroom dance classes, asking friends to teach you, or practicing with a partner if you have one. If you’re feeling bold, you could even try asking someone you meet at a club to dance.
Non-Verbal Communication is Key
Body language is a significant part of dancing. Dancing to a funky 70s song with the mannerisms and facial expressions of someone listening to 90s gangster rap would look incongruous. Avoid being overly exaggerated or theatrical, but subtly incorporate body language that complements the music. Often, the difference between someone who looks good and someone who looks awkward on the dance floor is their non-verbal cues. If someone looks uncomfortable or bored, their dancing might appear poor, even if the movements are technically similar to someone who looks confident and energetic.
Dancing is a Physical Activity
This is a simple but important point: better physical fitness makes dancing easier and more enjoyable. Improved fitness allows you to dance more energetically, for longer periods, and with greater ease. Basic fitness elements like aerobic capacity, flexibility, and leg and torso endurance are beneficial for dancing.
Dancing to Unfamiliar Music Styles
For typical pop dance music in bars and clubs, the generic dance core outlined earlier usually suffices. However, if you visit a club catering to a specific subculture, you’ll notice that different music genres often have associated dance styles.
If you find yourself in such a place, dancing in your usual generic style and trying to adapt your movements slightly to the subculture’s style is perfectly acceptable. You might not perfectly blend in, but no one will likely object. However, if you plan to dance to that genre more frequently, learning more specialized moves would enhance your experience and integration.
A Word of Caution About Dance Classes
Dance classes undoubtedly offer valuable learning opportunities. However, some people experience a disconnect when transitioning from structured classes to spontaneous club dancing. They might feel unable to simply “let loose” and dance freely without a choreographed routine. Some individuals with years of dance class experience feel inhibited in casual club settings, feeling lost and pressured to perform.
Dancing Badly on Purpose – Know Your Audience
There’s a time and a place for intentionally dancing poorly or comically as a joke. However, it’s generally not a good idea to do this when you’re already uncomfortable or inexperienced with dancing, using goofiness as a shield to avoid genuine dancing. People often see through this, and any humor derived from it is short-lived.
The appropriate time for comical dancing is when you’re with friends who are all comfortable and skilled dancers. In this context, throwing in occasional silly moves or routines can be a fun way to joke around and enhance the enjoyment. It works because everyone understands you’re choosing to be silly, not using it to mask insecurity.
Using Alcohol to Loosen Up
Many people rely on alcohol to boost their confidence before hitting the dance floor. Ideally, everyone would feel comfortable dancing sober, but realistically, some people find a little alcohol helpful. Within moderation, this is generally acceptable.
Alcohol can be beneficial for those who already have some basic dance ability but are slightly reserved – which applies to most people. However, alcohol tends to backfire when someone lacks dance skills and only attempts to dance when heavily intoxicated. The results can be quite clumsy. It can also be problematic for beginners prone to being overly energetic, as alcohol can amplify those tendencies.
In Conclusion
It might sound cliché, but despite all the advice you’ve just read, the most important thing is to relax, enjoy yourself, and not overthink it. Have fun and don’t worry excessively about what others think of you. Just get out there and dance!
