Being a sports reporter has its perks – watching games, traveling, and meeting athletes. But there’s a less glamorous side, especially when you encounter athletes in their most vulnerable, post-game states. Sometimes they’re dismissive, sometimes they’re angry, and sometimes, they present you with an experience so bizarre it sticks with you forever. These stories often remain untold, hidden from the polished narratives of sports journalism. Today, we delve into “The Dark Side of the Locker Room,” sharing those awkward, unforgettable encounters. And my first foray into this world? Let’s just say it involved a “Dancing Turkey” moment I’ll never forget, courtesy of none other than Phillies’ first baseman, Ryan Howard.
My baptism by fire came in 2005. I was a senior at Temple University, interning at the Philadelphia Metro, a paper so early to bed it barely caught the scores of night games. But fate intervened on a Sunday afternoon before the All-Star break. The Phillies beat reporter was out of town, and in a gesture of unpaid-intern-compensation, I was sent to cover the game. Excitement doesn’t even begin to describe my state. I agonized over the press box dress code, finally settling on long sleeves, slacks, and dress shoes – on a sweltering hundred-degree day. Respectability was the goal, and apparently, I nailed it, as a Daily News reporter inquired if I was coming from a wedding. Observing his jorts and ice cream-stained t-shirt, I immediately felt like I was in another world.
The game itself was a classic – extra innings, home team victory. But the real story was Ryan Howard’s game-tying home run. Jim Thome’s injury had thrust Howard into the spotlight, carrying the weight of a city’s hopes on his rookie shoulders. The hype was immense; think legendary levels. My mind raced with journalistic ambition, determined to appear professional and unfazed. Navigating from the press box to the locker room, however, proved more challenging than anticipated. By the time I arrived, the media scrum was already surrounding Howard’s locker. I elbowed my way to the front, only to be confronted with a sight that instantly eclipsed all journalistic aspirations: Ryan Howard’s… well, let’s just say, impressive physique.
The locker room at Citizen’s Bank Park is adjacent to the showers, so most players were draped in towels or changing. Not Howard. He was holding court with the press, flashing that endearing, boyish smile, and yes, completely unashamedly waving his… Louisville Slugger around as if practicing his swing.
Ryan Howard locker room interview
Alt text: Ryan Howard, a large and muscular baseball player, confidently answers questions from reporters in the Phillies locker room, standing near his locker and smiling.
Professionalism wavered. Hard-hitting questions vanished from my mind. Instead, I was mentally quoting Boon from Animal House: “Is he bigger than me?” Being reasonably tall saved me from the worst of it, but the poor reporter from WIP, probably around 5’2″, was at a distinct disadvantage. A quick pelvic thrust from Howard and… well, you get the picture. Let’s be clear, this wasn’t about prudishness or anything untoward. It was pure, unadulterated flaunting. With every question, Howard rotated, strategically positioning himself, almost daring us to look away with his… baby arm.
I stammered some journalistic cliché about “how it felt” to hit the home run (a rookie mistake, I know). That’s when he turned his “weapon” directly towards me. Facing that, follow-up questions were definitely off the table. The press circle dispersed, and I, still slightly shell-shocked, retreated to cover the less…exposed topic of players’ All-Star break plans. Seeking refuge among the less imposing figures, I approached pitchers Billy Wagner and Jon Lieber, two guys who looked as athletically awkward as I felt. I’d noticed them observing the Howard spectacle with amusement, and journalistic curiosity (or perhaps just nervous laughter) took over.
“Is he allergic to towels or something?” I blurted out.
They erupted in laughter. “You noticed that?” Lieber chuckled. “You guys really make this an uncomfortable environment for the team.”
Ouch. Aspiring sportswriter dreams faltered. My first big league experience, seemingly ruined by an inability to handle…giant baseball player anatomy. If something as “insubstantial” as that could throw me off, how would I ever survive in this business? Wagner, sensing my mortification, put an arm around my shoulder. “Sorry about that,” he said, with a grin. “He made a bet with Jimmy [Rollins] in Spring Training. Ryan said if he didn’t hit 10 home runs by the All-Star break, he’d go naked for the media. Sorry you had to witness his… ‘dancing turkey’ moment.”
I’ve seen athlete…exhibitionism since then. But you never forget your first “dancing turkey” in the locker room.
