Hey Dance Moms fanatics! Remember when Abby Lee Miller declared, with her signature dramatic flair, that in the world of dance, everyone is replaceable? And that no one is ever truly safe? If you’ve been watching Dance Moms since the beginning, you’ve probably heard that mantra repeated more times than you can count!
This week’s episode, aptly titled “Nothing’s Fair in Abbyville” (a refreshing dose of honesty from the title writers, for once!), kicks off season 4 with the usual blend of high drama, questionable decisions, and, of course, dance. Forget pretending things are fair in Abby’s world – because they definitely are not. Maybe next week’s episode title will be “Nothing Makes Sense in Abbyville,” followed by “Nothing is Fun in Abbyville.” At least they’re acknowledging the chaos!
The episode opens in sunny Los Angeles, where Abby and the Ziegler-Gisoni clan are at a “Recording Studio” ostensibly “recording” Mackenzie’s debut single. Abby, sporting a mystifyingly bedazzled shirt with “ama@inc” emblazoned on the front, is laser-focused on ensuring young Mackenzie projects the “appropriate amount of energy” into her singing. She even provides a demonstration, a visual treat I wish I could share directly, but alas, Lifetime’s embargo on Dance Moms screeners continues. Imagine something akin to this, but just from the waist up, and you’re halfway there:
For all of Mackenzie’s fans out there, let’s be honest: she’s a cute kid who can carry a tune, but pop star vocal prowess? Not quite. Energy, a fancy “recording studio,” and Abby’s ama@inc shirt can only take you so far.
Post-recording session, Mack, Melissa, and Abby jet back to Pittsburgh, leaving Maddie behind in LA for “a job” and to “tend to her own deal,” as Abby puts it. This conveniently sets the stage for Abby to search for a temporary Maddie replacement back in Pennsylvania.
The Pyramid of Doom and Delusions
Ah, the pyramid – the weekly harbinger of doom and distorted dance logic.
Nia finds herself at the bottom of the bottom. Her solo was deemed “bad,” and the ultimate sin: she cried. Double no-no in Abby’s book. Next up is Kendall. Abby’s reasoning? When Kalani partnered with Maddie, they triumphed. When Kalani danced with Kendall, they didn’t. Therefore, Kendall is low on the pyramid. But wait, is Kalani also to blame? Yes, apparently, because she’s next on the pyramid’s lower rungs.
Row two commences with Chloe. Her duet snagged a win, but her facial expressions were, according to Abby, “losers.” Then comes Mackenzie. Her candy box prop work was “outstanding.” Christi, ever the voice of reason, points out that Chloe was part of two winning dances – the duet and the group routine. Abby’s counter? Mackenzie’s candy box performance outweighs two victories. In Abbyville, one candy box trumps all.
Speaking of candy boxes and outstanding performances… This image perfectly encapsulates the absurdity of Abby’s logic, showcasing someone else celebrated for their “outstanding” candy box skills:
Congratulations to this gentleman for his candy box achievements! Or for receiving a candy box for being outstanding. The details remain delightfully vague, much like Abby’s critiques.
Maddie, predictably, reigns supreme at the pyramid’s peak. Jill, with a hint of sarcasm, declares it “so predictable.” Abby, surprisingly, agrees, lamenting the lack of shock value.
Ft. Wayne, “The Bite,” and Solo Showdowns
This week, the ALDC is headed to Masters of Dance Arts in Ft. Wayne. Abby, boasting about her seven consecutive group dance victories, is aiming for an eighth with a routine ominously titled “The Bite.” Anyone else sensing a theme after the “Battle in the Bronx”?
Mackenzie is assigned a jazz/gymnastic solo, initially misheard as “Wreck” but actually named “Red.” Kalani receives a lyrical piece titled “Swan Solstice.” The longest day of the swan? Abby logic prevails. Searching for “Swan Solstice” online yields, among other things, this ethereal image:
Beautiful, Amanda Clark! An artistic candy box award for you.
Chloe is tasked with a lyrical solo, possibly called “Heat,” though Abby’s mumbling makes the title somewhat ambiguous.
Then comes the twist: an improv competition to determine Maddie’s temporary stand-in. The moms will judge, forbidden from voting for their own daughters.
Round one of judging is predictably chaotic. Jill blatantly disregards the rules and picks Kendall anyway, then pivots to Kalani. Kira selects Chloe. Holly, demonstrating impartiality, also chooses Chloe. Melissa, ever loyal to Abby’s favorites, picks Kalani. Christi, sticking with her girl, votes for Kendall.
Nia and Mackenzie are eliminated in this initial round.
Round two sees Nia and Mackenzie wielding voting power, leading to Kalani’s elimination. The final showdown: Chloe versus Kendall.
Kendall emerges victorious, securing… something. The lead role in the group dance, perhaps? Time for solo rehearsals!
Mom Loft Drama and Kelly’s Return
Upstairs in the Mom Loft, the moms engage in half-hearted speculation about Abby ever pitting Maddie against Kendall in a real competition. Suddenly, Christi’s phone rings – it’s Kelly!
Kelly, in a move that sends ripples of unease through the group, invites Christi to lunch. Kira, ever the opportunist, immediately wants in. Kelly, with a hint of annoyance, agrees, extending the invitation to everyone.
Holly and Melissa openly question Kira’s motives, suspecting she’s simply trying to ensure Kelly and her daughters aren’t plotting a return to the ALDC. Oh, Kira, this level of paranoia is unbecoming.
Lunch is set at D’Imperio’s, an establishment boasting hospitality since 1977 and special menus for Homecoming and prom. A glimpse into D’Imperio’s in its 70s glory:
Perhaps a dress code throwback is in order for future visits?
Kelly and Christi arrive first. A surprisingly somber Kelly confesses she misses nothing about the ALDC. Christi echoes this sentiment, admitting to feeling increasingly isolated. Kelly pointedly remarks that with “friends” like Melissa, who needs enemies? The rest of the moms arrive, and Kelly formally introduces herself to Kira, emphasizing that the composed Kelly at this lunch is different from the one Kira encountered in the studio and the Bronx.
Kelly informs the group that her daughters haven’t expressed any desire to return to the ALDC. Holly observes that Kelly seems genuinely done with the Abby Lee Miller Dance Company.
Jill, ever the inquisitive one, probes about the lawsuits. Kelly bluntly states that Holly and Christi were the only ones who reached out after the Dance Moms producers essentially threw her and her daughters under the bus. Jill, undeterred, tries again, hinting at deeper issues. Kelly fixes her with a stare and confirms there’s far more to the story than just the NYC incident.
Back to Abbyville: Betrayal and Apple-Biting
Back at the studio, Maddie returns, but Abby declares Kendall will retain her starring role, instructing Maddie to be “graceful” about it. However, Abby quickly backtracks, and Christi notices Kalani seemingly leading the group dance.
Jill, predictably, explodes. “Abby, you’re not even pretending to stand by your word, and I think it is ridiculous!” she huffs.
Ah, Jill and her questionable fashion choices. A nostalgic reminder of the early Dance Moms days:
Abby reveals the Chloe vs. Kalani solo battle is to determine who will lead the team in Maddie’s future absences, potentially hinting at new dancers joining around episode 16.
The conversation shifts to a potential Maddie versus Kalani solo showdown. Melissa, ever confident in her daughter, asserts that no one can beat Maddie in a solo. Facts, according to Melissa. The apple-biting metaphor resurfaces, prompting a longing for Rachelle Rak and her signature “bite the apple” move:
But in Abbyville, the apple is only visible when Maddie is holding it. Unfair, indeed.
During Mackenzie’s solo rehearsal, Abby demands she move with more “teenager” energy to become a pop star. Melissa sees the silver lining – more mature choreography for Mackenzie as she moves up age groups. And now Abby can critique Mackenzie with the same harshness she reserves for everyone else (except Maddie). Bonus!
In the Mom Loft, Kira attempts to subtly criticize Abby to gain favor with the Pittsburgh moms. Abby then storms in, ostensibly concerned about Mackenzie’s placement in the group dance, but really to berate the moms for their “lovey-dovey” lunch with Kelly, her “sworn enemy.” Jill protests the “lovey-dovey” label, but Abby dismisses them as stupid traitors. Rule number one of Bite Club (ALDC edition): you don’t talk about Bite Club (ALDC business) with outsiders.
The episode’s moral, according to Abby: betray her, and she’ll retaliate by targeting your child’s position on the team. Nothing’s fair in Abbyville, remember?
Fort Wayne Competition and Bus Drama
On the bus to Fort Wayne, Abby expresses doubts about the group dance’s winning potential. Then, she launches into a tirade about Christi allegedly door-dinging another parent’s car and then flippantly dismissing any potential lawsuit due to her perceived lack of income. Abby labels this behavior “ignorant” and threatens to kick Christi off the bus if she objects.
After individually tormenting the soloists pre-performance, Abby returns to her “us vs. them” soapbox, declaring Kelly a “cancer” and “poison.” The ultimatum: choose Kelly’s friendship or Abby’s favor, but not both. A promise, Abby-style.
Chloe’s solo is first – pretty and expressive, but not particularly memorable. Christi, however, sees glimpses of the “old Chloe.”
Maddie coaches Kalani backstage before her solo, which showcases Kalani’s ballet training and her noticeable maturity since Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition. Abby emotes dramatically in the audience.
And must every solo conclude with the dancer prone on the stage? Abby, please, find a new finishing move!
Melissa makes sassy faces during Mackenzie’s sassy solo. Then, disaster strikes: Mackenzie’s hairpiece detaches – the kiss of death in Abbyville. At least Christi can’t be blamed this time.
Backstage, the moms offer each other supportive platitudes until Abby arrives to deliver her “constructive criticism.” Kalani was “great,” Chloe “good,” and Mackenzie “EMBARRASSING!” Abby vows not to let Mackenzie fail at either singing for dance or dancing for singing… or hairpieces for drama.
Jill, in a moment of spectacular timing, chooses this moment to badger Abby about Kendall’s “special part” for winning the improv competition. Abby stumbles through vague answers about punctuality and dedication before snapping and telling Kendall to speak up if she wants a special role.
The group dance filming is…questionable, with awkward angles and a lack of cohesive visual. Hopefully, a full dance video will surface online to reveal its true impact and apple-biting equity.
Awards and Abby’s Exit
At the awards ceremony, Mackenzie, Kalani, and the group dance all win their divisions. Chloe takes second place in her solo category, with the announcer noting her score was “very, very close” to Kalani’s.
Kira, predictably, declares Kalani’s skill “far above Chloe’s” and suggests to Abby that Maddie and Kalani should go head-to-head. Abby, feigning incomprehension, dismisses the idea as impossible. Maddie has been beaten before, Abby implies, but the point is Kalani wins whenever Abby enters her in something… unless Maddie is also competing, in which case, Abby’s logic becomes even more convoluted.
Then, Abby turns to Chloe and declares she’s “earned” private lessons again. Christi, exasperated, points out Chloe has been taking private lessons. Abby, in a mature and professional response, calls Christi “Satan” and storms off.
Next week: Kira and Mommy take on NYC!
So, Dance Moms nation, is it time for a Maddie vs. Replacement Maddie showdown? Were you disappointed the dancers weren’t dressed like Kelly for “The Bite”? Would that have improved the dance? And when will the new team finally arrive? Sound off in the comments below!
Catch new episodes of Dance Moms Tuesday nights at 9/8CT on Lifetime.
