You might be questioning whether enrolling your child in cotillion is a worthwhile endeavor. Is it outdated? Unnecessary? Just another battle to fight? As a cotillion director, my answer is a resounding…
YES! Absolutely send your child to Cotillion Dance!
Let me explain.
While cotillion might evoke images of a bygone era, the modern cotillion experience is far from stuffy or irrelevant. It’s evolved into a dynamic opportunity for children to cultivate crucial life skills. In cotillion, kids gain the self-assurance that comes from mastering dance, build lasting positive relationships rooted in respect, and discover the profound difference between genuine social interaction and fleeting online connections.
Parents often share their key reasons for choosing cotillion: they appreciate the value of social skills instruction from a non-parental figure, the exposure to formal settings, and the guidance in navigating boy-girl interactions. These elements combine to make cotillion dance a truly unique, memorable, and indispensable component of a child’s social growth.
To ensure we are aligned, let’s clarify what cotillion truly means in today’s context.
Why an External Instructor Enhances Social Skills Learning
As parents, you dedicate yourselves to nurturing polite and well-mannered children. You diligently teach table manners and instill the importance of “please” and “thank you” from their earliest years. So, why add cotillion to the mix, with its time commitment, dress code, and expense? The straightforward answer is that etiquette instruction resonates differently when delivered by someone other than you.
Countless parents have observed that social graces instruction simply clicks more effectively when it comes from an outside source. There’s an undeniable dynamic at play: when children hear these essential life lessons from a different authority figure, the message often lands with greater impact.
Many parents successfully homeschool or support their children’s remote learning, yet the shift from academic subjects to social behavior can sometimes trigger resistance. However, when these crucial lessons in social conduct are imparted by someone else, children tend to be more receptive, validating the parents’ own teachings.
My role as a cotillion instructor is to complement and reinforce the values you are instilling at home. I aim to be your echo, working in partnership with you. Imagine being able to say, “Remember what Mrs./Mr. [Instructor’s Name] taught us about sending thank you notes?” Think of me as your ally in fostering your child’s development into a well-rounded individual. While my focus is on cultivating better humans, not matchmaking, I do have connections if you happen to be looking… just putting it out there! Moving on.
Formal Environments Cultivate Formal Demeanor
The atmosphere of cotillion is likely unlike any environment your child typically encounters. They participate largely without parental presence, the venues are often distinct from their usual hangouts, their attire is more refined than everyday wear, and they engage in partner dancing (which, contrary to outdated notions, does not automatically signify romantic pairings!).
This departure from the norm is precisely what makes cotillion so impactful. I am consistently impressed by the sense of awe and focused attention it generates in children.
Is it possible that some initial apprehension is part of the equation? Perhaps.
However, I prefer to believe it stems from their understanding that they are in a formal setting where heightened decorum is expected.
Whatever the underlying reason, from the moment they step into that first class, their attentiveness is palpable. I seize this opportunity to emphasize the profound impact of kindness and respect in fostering happiness and positive relationships.
It’s far better for a child to navigate their first formal dining experience in a learning environment, rather than under the pressure of a crucial event like meeting a future employer or in-laws.
Cotillion provides a valuable “practice run” in navigating formal environments. It’s a space for learning and correcting missteps without high stakes. Nobody wants their initial formal dining experience to be a critical one, such as a dinner with a prospective employer or future family members.
The deliberately cultivated formality of cotillion is unique and cannot be replicated at home, school, or religious settings. When children arrive at cotillion, surrounded by peers in coats and ties or elegant dresses, they carry themselves with a newfound poise. They stand taller, and like anyone, they begin to embody a more polished demeanor when their outward presentation is polished.
The thoughtfully designed cotillion environment allows them to fully immerse themselves as etiquette students and to embody the gracious young ladies and gentlemen we are all eager to see.
Partner Dancing: Building Blocks for Healthy Relationships
The dance component of cotillion is, personally, a highlight.
I find immense joy in dance, even if I’m not the most technically skilled dancer. Witnessing the happiness and confidence it instills in children as they master new steps is incredibly rewarding.
However, the true gem of the dance curriculum lies in its ability to foster healthy and respectful interactions between genders in a secure, low-pressure setting.
At a typical middle school dance, an unspoken stigma often exists: dancing with someone might be misconstrued as romantic interest and the pressure to form a “boyfriend-girlfriend” relationship can be intense and awkward. Initially, cotillion might feel a bit awkward too. But in cotillion, everyone participates in dancing, everyone is learning together, and we consistently rotate partners. This partner rotation alleviates pressure, allowing them to simply enjoy the dance and the company of their peers.
As parents of middle schoolers understand, this age is when children naturally begin to explore their interest in the opposite sex. Cotillion dance provides a gentle and constructive introduction to this dynamic. It lays a strong foundation by emphasizing courtesy, respect, consent, boundaries, kindness, and chivalry.
For instance, I explicitly teach the gentlemen how to properly ask someone to dance. We practice the precise wording, equipping them with the polite language and the confidence to extend an invitation. Similarly, I guide the ladies on how to gracefully accept or kindly decline a dance request.
In my cotillion classes, dance instruction is approached casually, with a 20% focus on technical footwork and an 80% emphasis on enjoyment and positive partner interaction. I encourage them to make eye contact and engage in conversation at a comfortable distance. As they collaborate to learn a dance step, they become reliant on each other. They are focused on the shared challenge, momentarily setting aside any self-consciousness. And just before any awkwardness can resurface, I prompt, “Gentlemen, thank your partners and rotate to the right.”
These are, in my experience, the top three compelling reasons to consider cotillion dance for your middle schooler.
I hope this clarifies how cotillion complements your parenting goals. It transcends mere punch bowls, fancy dresses, and waltzing (though those are certainly enjoyable elements!). Today’s cotillion programs address a critical need for young people by offering explicit instruction in gracious conduct and providing a platform for genuine social engagement.
If you’re eager to learn more, I warmly invite you to explore my in-person classes or discover the convenience of my online cotillion program.
