Some people know this about me: I used to be a dancer at bar mitzvahs. Yes, as a job. The official term for this kind of work is “motivational party dancer,” and it’s basically about energizing a dance floor full of teenagers to pump their fists to pop songs, with breaks to quiet them down during speeches and ceremonies. (There’s a bit more involved, but that’s the general idea.)
Last fall, I found myself working almost every Saturday night doing just this. It was a way to earn money, and actually marked the first time I had made a significant income from dancing. More than just the money, it was also the first time in years I had ventured into a new work area, and stepping into my first party was genuinely terrifying. Wanting to do everything right and make a positive impression, I mustered my courage and approached those rooms full of 13-year-olds on the dance floor, fully expecting eye-rolls and turned backs, leaving me fist-pumping alone to Katy Perry.
It’s probably no surprise that the novelty of the job wore off pretty quickly, and the constant travel, stress, and late weekend nights started to outweigh what the job was worth. But, I did learn a very valuable lesson from this experience, which is why I’m sharing it with you.
The job felt like torture when I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. In that specific party culture, the pressure to put on a certain kind of performance was intense, filled with fake smiles and excessive flattery. Often, I was so preoccupied with what the boss might think that I couldn’t truly connect with the kids on the dance floor. In one particularly stressed-out evening, I even forgot to hand out the glow sticks, which was labeled a “party failure” by the entertainment company owner. Ouch.
However, here’s what I also discovered: I had the most fun and made the biggest positive impact when I allowed my real personality to shine through, especially in moments like these:
- Having genuine conversations with an older cousin at a bar mitzvah, helping her brainstorm different career paths and pursue her passions.
- Freely dancing with the younger 5-year-old cousins and the older 85-year-old grandparents who joined in.
- Slow-dancing to Frank Sinatra with one of the quieter, more reserved kids in the group.
- Actually connecting with the girls who were standing shyly at the edge of the dance floor, unsure of joining in.
- Building connections with the other dancers working these events, and discovering the amazing things they were pursuing outside of bar mitzvah gigs.
To sum it up, I believe there’s always a way to integrate your true self, even in the most rigid environments, and doing so is not only rewarding for you, but it also positively affects others in unexpected ways.
Now I’m curious —
What’s your version of the bar mitzvah dance floor? Where in your own life do you feel the need to be more authentically yourself?
Remember to stay true to who you are, both on and off the dance floor.
Fist-pumping your own way,
Jess
