Life throws curveballs, and sometimes those curveballs come in the form of deeply uncomfortable and challenging situations. It’s in these moments, when we feel most vulnerable, that standing up for ourselves can feel like an insurmountable task. Like trying to dance with a devil clinging to your back, the weight of discomfort and anxiety can make even the simplest steps feel impossible.
The Uncomfortable Encounter
Last week, I faced a situation at work that shook me to my core. A coworker, someone I barely knew, decided to share disturbing videos – military surveillance footage depicting death and sexual violence – accompanied by a barrage of hateful and bigoted speech. In that moment, I froze. Shock paralyzed me, leaving me speechless and unsure of how to react. My immediate response was to deflect, to minimize the discomfort. I mumbled that I didn’t find it funny and retreated back into my book, desperately trying to quell the surge of adrenaline that floods your system in such unsettling moments.
Why Didn’t I Speak Up?
Immediately after, the self-criticism began. Why hadn’t I confronted him directly? Why hadn’t I articulated the disgust I felt? Why did I shrink away, hiding behind the pages of my book instead of speaking my mind and defending my values? This internal berating is a familiar struggle for many, especially those of us who are naturally introverted or dislike confrontation. It’s a battle between our desire for peace and our need to uphold our personal boundaries. It’s that feeling that it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back – the devil of self-doubt and fear.
Alt text: A woman with long hair passionately dances in a sunlit room, expressing freedom and release.
Dealing with the Aftermath
Despite my initial reaction, I did take action. I reported the incident to management, who addressed the coworker’s behavior. However, even after taking what I knew was the right step, the feelings of shame lingered. I felt weak and questioned why I hadn’t responded with more assertive strength in the moment. It’s easy to get caught up in self-recrimination, focusing on what we perceive as our shortcomings rather than acknowledging the steps we did take.
Recognizing My Own Strength
It took time, but I began to realize that even though my voice may have trembled, I did stand up for myself. I didn’t participate in his hateful humor, and I didn’t condone his behavior. In my own way, I refused to be part of a culture that normalizes death and suffering. I had been so fixated on the idea that I hadn’t stood up “well enough” that I completely missed recognizing the courage it took to stand up at all. This realization was crucial in shifting from self-blame to self-compassion.
Internalized Anxiety and the Need to Release
The emotional fallout from the incident manifested as intense anxiety. I felt constantly on edge, overwhelmed, and tearful. It was as if my internal system was shaken, and I was waiting for everything to settle back into place. This physical manifestation of emotional distress is a common experience when we internalize stress and fail to process difficult emotions.
Finding Release Through Dance
To cope with this anxiety, I turned to dance. Dance, in its liberating essence, became my sanctuary. Moving my body to music, even without formal training or perfect steps, proved to be profoundly therapeutic. It allowed me to shift my focus to the physical sensations, to channel the energy of the music through my body. It became a powerful tool for releasing the frantic, unpleasant energy that had become trapped within me, allowing it to flow outwards and dissipate.
Alt text: A silhouetted figure dances expressively against a vibrant sunset, symbolizing emotional release and freedom.
The Healing Power of Movement
Dance offers a unique pathway to emotional release. It provides a physical outlet for pent-up feelings, allowing us to express emotions that words sometimes fail to capture. The rhythm and movement can be incredibly grounding, helping to reconnect with our bodies and release tension. It’s a reminder that we have agency over our emotional state and that movement can be a powerful catalyst for healing. Just as you can’t truly dance with a devil on your back weighing you down, you need to release those burdens to move forward.
You Don’t Have to Carry It All
We all have the power to choose what we carry with us. We can cling to anger, injustice, and shame, allowing them to weigh us down, or we can find ways to shake them off and let them go. Holding onto negative emotions, while understandable, ultimately doesn’t serve us. Recognizing this choice is the first step toward liberation. We are not responsible for the behavior of others, and we don’t have to carry their negativity as our own.
If you’re carrying something heavy, something that feels like a devil on your back, I encourage you to try moving. Put on a song that resonates with you and let your body move. Focus on releasing what you no longer wish to hold onto. You might be surprised at the lightness you discover.
Do you use dance or movement to express yourself and process your emotions? Share your experiences in the comments below!
