In the whirlwind of daily life, with its endless to-dos and pressing matters, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly brings us joy. We can become so focused on routines and responsibilities that we forget to appreciate the simple, beautiful moments around us, especially those involving our canine companions.
Often, we develop fixed ideas about how our dogs should behave, what they should look like, and how they should fit into our lives. We might unknowingly impose our expectations on them, missing out on the unique personalities and perspectives they offer. It’s fascinating how easily we can get trapped in these rigid ways of thinking, forgetting that there’s a world of joyful interaction waiting for us if we simply shift our perspective.
I want to explore how we can broaden our outlook, not just on life in general, but more specifically, on our relationship with our dogs. Let’s move away from seeing dog ownership as a set of rules and commands and towards embracing a more spontaneous and joyful partnership.
To begin, I’d like to share a poem by Mary Oliver, a poet whose work deeply resonates with me. Her poetry, grounded in simplicity and everyday observations, has a remarkable ability to make you contemplate the essence of life.
Luke by Mary Oliver
I had a dog
who loved flowers.
Briskly she went
through the fields,
yet paused
for the honeysuckle
or the rose,
her dark head
and her wet nose
touching
the face
of every one
with its petals
of silk
with its fragrance
rising
into the air
where the bees,
their bodies
heavy with pollen
hovered –
and easily
she adored
every blossom
not in the serious
careful way
that we choose
this blossom or that blossom
the way we praise or don’t praise –
the way we love
or don’t love –
but the way
we long to be –
that happy
in the heaven of earth –
that wild, that loving.
Isn’t that poem incredibly moving? It always prompts me to reflect on living more spontaneously, with less constraint, more openness, and a deeper appreciation for the beauty that surrounds us. It reminds us to find joy in the simple acts of life, much like a dog reveling in the scent of a flower.
This concept is central to what we teach in the Brilliant Partners Academy. It emphasizes the power of intention, attention, love, and energy in our connection with our dogs. And it extends beyond just our dogs; it applies to all our interactions, whether with people, animals, nature, or even the vastness of the cosmos.
When we open ourselves to genuine connection, something magical happens. At BPA, we encourage “joining up” with our dogs, meeting them where they are and engaging in what captivates their interest. This is about seeing the world through their eyes and sharing in their discoveries.
How to Join Up with Our Dogs
Joining Up: Dancing in Harmony with Your Dog
Instead of relying on outdated dog training methods that often involve competition for your dog’s attention, there’s a more harmonious approach. We don’t need to restrict our dogs’ basic needs or pleasures to make them listen. Instead, we can “join up” with them, essentially learning to dance together, exploring the world from their unique perspective. Think of it like taking children to an amusement park – you get to rediscover that sense of childlike wonder, curiosity, and awe.
Our dogs embody this wonder every day of their lives, regardless of age. They never lose that innate delight and curiosity, whether they are puppies or seniors. This constant engagement with the world is like a continuous, joyful dance.
So, rather than constantly trying to persuade them to do what we want or vying for their attention, we can simply join their dance. When your dog pauses to sniff a flower, try to imagine the bouquet of scents they are experiencing. When they roll in the grass, consider the tactile sensations. If they are drawn to water, imagine the coolness on their paws. Allow them to explore, and immerse yourself in their world with the same level of fascination and curiosity.
Even dedicating just a few moments to this each day can profoundly transform your relationship and partnership with your dog. You’ll start to move in sync, like partners in a dance.
Nicola’s Story: Learning to Dance with Her Dogs
A wonderful illustration of this comes from a story shared by Nicola, a member of our BPA community. Her experience perfectly encapsulates the concept of joining up with our dogs and the importance of showing them we are available for connection.
Nicola recounted a day in the woods with her dogs. Abby, one of her dogs, became intensely interested in a woodpile, much more so than continuing their walk. Initially, Nicola allowed her to investigate, but feeling the pressure of her schedule, she wanted to move on.
However, Abby kept returning to the woodpile, disrupting the walk and causing Nicola’s frustration to mount. Here’s an excerpt from Nicola’s post:
“I felt like Abby was spoiling our walk, wasting my time, and making me go back because I needed to make sure she was safe. Anyway, I marched back fully intending to put her on the lead and in the car, and continue my walk with my other dog.
And that’s when Kathy’s talk came into my mind and the examples of reframing. I took some deep breaths as I walked back and watched Abby for a minute. I watched in a new mind frame, and I saw the situation differently.
Abby was really enjoying herself. She didn’t need the walk. Abby was loving the scent between the logs, jumping on them, jumping over them. She was alert. Every part of her body, every part of her being was fully alive and buzzing. I took another breath. We could enjoy this moment, or I could spoil it and take her to the car.
I decided to try and join in and hunt with her. I lifted logs, I asked her to look in places. She loved it, she responded. I redirected her and asked her to look where I pointed. She jumped the logs, and she checked where I pointed. My other dog joined in. I can’t tell you how quickly my emotions changed from frustration and annoyance to pleasure and connection.”
Remembering the Dance: Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing
I often share this quote from Stephen Covey, as it’s so consistently relevant:
“The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing.”
Nicola’s story beautifully exemplifies this principle. She was on a journey of becoming a more confident and attuned partner with her dog. In that pivotal moment, she remembered “the main thing” – to cherish life with her dogs and engage in joyful, shared experiences. The walk wasn’t about distance or destination; it was about the shared dance of exploration with Abby.
Another inspiring example comes from Jane, another BPA member, who has a dog prone to over-arousal and reactivity. They faced numerous challenges in creating a safe, calm, and happy life together.
Jane shared this insightful reflection:
“What I’ve learned is that it’s not the place that we go that’s important. If I am content and calm and treasuring this time together, it doesn’t matter whether we’re on a wonderful trail, or just in our living room.”
This is such a profound and simple truth. It might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but reframing our mindset in this way can be transformative. The more we embrace this perspective, the richer and more vibrant our lives become, filled with the joyful dance of connection with our dogs.
With this in mind, I want to leave you with another poem by Mary Oliver. This poem beautifully captures the innocence and beauty of being present in the moment and appreciating the gift of having our dogs in our lives, dancing alongside us through life’s junkyard moments and starlit nights.
Luke’s Junkyard Song by Mary Oliver
I was born in a junkyard,
not even on a bundle of rags
or the seat of an old wrecked car
but the dust below.
But when my eyes opened
I could crawl to the edge and see
the moving grass and the trees
and this I began to dream on,
though the worms were eating me.
And at night through the twists of metal
I could see a single star—one, not even two.
Its light was a thing of wonder,
and I learned something precious
that would also be good for you.
Though the worms kept biting and pinching
I fell in love with this star.
I stared at it every night—
that light so clear and far.
Listen, a junkyard puppy
learns quickly how to dream.
Listen, whatever you see and love—
that’s where you are.
This poem always deeply affects me! I hope it inspires you to step outside with your dog and join their dance. Explore, have fun, and simply savor these precious moments of connection. Let the joy of your dogs “dancing” through life remind you to embrace the present and find wonder in the everyday.
If you’re interested in deepening your partnership and learning how to create a lifestyle of joyful connection with your dog, I invite you to request an invitation to join the Brilliant Partners Academy when enrollment reopens!
You can also listen to these ideas in more detail on my podcast, Enlightened By Dogs. This blog post is based on episode 165.
