Every August, our dance studio holds its breath, waiting to see which dancers will be invited to join the coveted Competitive Dance team. I remember those summers vividly, my daughters constantly asking me to refresh my email, eager to know if they had made the cut. When that email finally arrived, it was time for a serious conversation about commitment.
We would lay it all out – the significant time investment, the social sacrifices required to meet team obligations, and the sheer dedication competitive dance demands. Balancing schoolwork with late-night rehearsals was a recurring theme. We emphasized giving their best effort, as joining the team was a year-long commitment sealed with a contract. And year after year, they embraced it all.
Until 2023.
Image alt text: Young dancer, Jayden, gracefully performs her first solo in a competitive dance event for the 8 and under age division, showcasing poise and skill.
Recognizing the Shifting Tides in Competitive Dance
For a couple of years leading up to 2023, I noticed a subtle but undeniable shift in Jayden’s passion for competitive dance. It was evident in her voice, particularly when she expressed frustration about missing out on time with friends or exploring other interests. The eagerness to share new choreography, mastered skills, and the joys of dance – once so vibrant – began to fade. Even the anticipation for upcoming dance competitions seemed muted compared to her younger years. Conversations about dance dwindled, and the car rides home from the studio became quieter.
Initially, I attributed it to the typical changes of adolescence. Teenagers often adopt a nonchalant attitude, and having taught middle school, I was familiar with this phase. Her twin sister, Jocelyn, was also talking about dance less, so I reasoned it might just be a passing stage and decided to give her some space to navigate these feelings.
The Turning Point: A Change of Heart About Competitive Dance
However, as the 2023 dance season progressed, Jayden started expressing a desire to leave the competitive team at the end of the year. These weren’t fleeting “maybe-I’ll-quit” thoughts; they were firm and resolute statements about her future in competitive dance.
Interestingly, it was at our last regional competition that year when she achieved her first title win. She was crowned Teen Miss Starpower in May, and my heart swelled with pride watching her receive the award. She looked genuinely happy, and I wondered if this moment of individual recognition was what she had been missing. While her duo with Jocelyn had always been successful, her solo performances were more inconsistent in terms of placements. Witnessing her shine in the spotlight, entirely on her own, made me question if this validation was the key.
Image alt text: Jayden’s final solo performance in competitive dance in 2023, capturing her artistry and concluding her chapter in solo competitions.
Yet, amidst the congratulations and photos, one of the first things she said to me was, “Mom, I won title at my last regional ever!” A wave of realization washed over me, hitting me hard. In that instant, I knew she was serious; she was determined to leave competitive dance behind.
“The Talk”: Understanding the Decision to Leave Competitive Dance
During that same competition weekend, my mother suffered a fatal stroke (a deeply personal event we shielded the girls from at the time – a story for another day). As a result, the conversation about Jayden leaving competitive dance was put on hold for several weeks, after nationals and as we prepared for the World Dance Championship. When we finally had “the talk,” I asked her to explain her reasons for wanting to quit the team. Her answer was simple and heartfelt: “Mom, I lost my passion for it.”
She went on to articulate that she felt like she was missing out on crucial aspects of teenage life – participating in school sports, spending casual time with friends, and simply having the space to relax. She admitted that her commitment to her duo with her sister had kept her going for a while, but she had reached a point where she couldn’t continue with competitive dance any longer. Hearing the sadness in her voice, I knew this wasn’t a temporary teenage whim that she would outgrow. This was a profound realization about her own needs and desires.
Making the Exit: Honoring Commitments and Looking Ahead
To her immense credit, Jayden understood the importance of honoring her commitments and seeing the season through to the end. While it might seem like a given, other dancers had left the team before major events like Worlds in the past, so I’m sure Jayden was aware that leaving mid-season was not an acceptable option. However, watching them perform their duo for the last time at Nationals was incredibly emotional for me as a dance mom, and I openly admit I couldn’t hold back my tears.
We waited until after the World Dance Championship to officially inform the dance studio of Jayden’s decision. However, Jayden had confided in a few close teammates, and as is typical with teenagers, the news circulated quickly throughout the team. After their final performance at Worlds, I witnessed a poignant scene of Jayden, Jocelyn, and several teammates embracing and crying together. Once again, my attempts at composure crumbled.
Charting a New Course After Competitive Dance
Image alt text: Jayden at the World Dance Pageant in 2018, pictured during her earlier successful years in competitive dance, reflecting on her journey.
Once we formally notified the studio about Jayden’s departure from competitive dance, we discussed what her future with dance would look like. Both twins had been taking dance classes since they were two and had been on the competitive team since they were five. Our family had invested a significant amount of time, energy, and resources into their dance education.
I made it clear to Jayden that all that foundational training was invaluable and not something to be discarded. I conveyed the expectation that she would continue with recreational dance classes to maintain her skills. After all, she was just entering high school and might change her mind later, perhaps wanting to rejoin the competitive team in the future. We decided on a selection of recreational classes, including ballet, pointe, acro, and tap, for her to attend throughout the following year.
With her dance schedule adjusted, Jayden enthusiastically turned her attention to exploring new activities. In the past year, she joined her high school soccer and track teams (both winter and spring). She also took a weekly recreational gymnastics class. She thrived in both soccer and track. While she also enjoyed gymnastics, she decided to discontinue that class for the upcoming year, focusing on her other athletic pursuits.
Frequently, both Jayden and I are asked if she will ever return to competitive dance. While I hesitate to say anything definitively, I honestly don’t anticipate her rejoining the team. Currently, she appears content and fulfilled with her new activities and social life. It would likely take a significant shift in her priorities for her to want to return to the demanding world of competitive dance.
Supporting Each Other: Family Dynamics After Leaving Competitive Dance
One of the most common questions I encounter is how Jocelyn reacted to her twin sister’s departure from competitive dance. Because Jocelyn was already aware of Jayden’s declining motivation, there wasn’t a dramatic revelation. She told me she wasn’t surprised and was genuinely happy that Jayden was discovering new passions that excited her.
Image alt text: Twin sisters, Jayden and Jocelyn, pictured at DreamMaker dance competition, showcasing Jocelyn performing while Jayden offers supportive presence from the sidelines.
Throughout the past year, Jayden has become Jocelyn’s biggest supporter at competitions, even helping her warm up before solos and offering insightful suggestions. And Jocelyn has had an exceptional year, securing four regional and one national title, scholarships, special awards, top scores, and consistently placing in the top four at every competition (some with over 100 entries). She even expressed interest in pursuing “extras” this year, such as college dance program clinics, Power Pak intensives, and the World Dance Pageant. Jocelyn is clearly thriving, and I am incredibly happy for her continued success and passion.
Personally, coming to terms with Jayden’s decision has been a process. It took time to fully accept the finality of her choice, and I still get emotional watching old videos of her solos and their duos.
However, witnessing her grow into a young woman, explore new horizons, meet new friends, and embrace new challenges is immensely rewarding. I make it a point to attend every soccer game and nearly every track meet (missing a couple due to out-of-state events and needing to be home for Jocelyn), and I try to capture as many photos as I can (though she’s not a fan of photos when she’s sweaty and out of breath!). I am incredibly proud of her, especially her courage to explore unfamiliar paths and embrace new opportunities.
In moments of reflection, I remind myself that Jayden needed to step away from competitive dance to rediscover herself and her evolving passions. At least, for now, this is her path.
